What are the weirdest reasons to reject a prospective bride/groom in an arranged marriage?

Marriage is most important phase of our life. To whom we rely in this age of marriage apps for guidance? May be this community can help...
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seema
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Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2018 2:55 pm

What are the weirdest reasons to reject a prospective bride/groom in an arranged marriage?

Post by seema » Wed Aug 15, 2018 1:03 pm

I have been rejected on few occasions by the prospective groom. However, it never hurt so much than when one is rejected for a weird reason. Just wonder if I am alone or others also have faced such situations.

Teja
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Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2018 2:51 pm

Re: What are the weirdest reasons to reject a prospective bride/groom in an arranged marriage?

Post by Teja » Wed Aug 15, 2018 3:07 pm

Let me add my own experience which I don't know that I can actually be termed as a rejection or not.

After my graduation, I started a small company with my batchmate. Initial boost to the company was good and as usual in Punjabi communities, my parents started receiving marriage offers from mediators (which are usually common knowing persons).

One day after interviewing a prospective employee for my company, I received a call from my dad asking me to come home immediately. I completed my crucial tasks, handed over other tasks to my partner and reached home after an hour. At our home, what I am seeing is a distant relative of ours (who used to come as a computer mechanic in my childhood) was seating with another man, which I later knew that was the girl's father.

Although, I had already asked my family not to consider any marriage proposals as I wanted to experiment with my startup and also study further to get a doctorate. But still, I had to tackle the situation. I informed my my uncle that I am not interested in marriage at this time. But he insisted that what is the harm in considering once, you can still decide it afterwards. So, I decided to see how they react to my view, my perspective of the future.

Me: With due respect sir, I do not earn much yet and wont be able to start feed a family yet.
Him: No worries beta. We have ample money to support our children (they had a factory to make wheat harvesters). As she is our only child, you can even manage the factory later on.

Me: Well thats good but, I prefer earn my own dry bread rather than a handsome meal by earnings through charity. (I later thought it was bit rude to say that)
Him: Thats very good beta. Everyone should have passion to work like you.

Me: And If my uncle forgot to mention, I want to mention that I have an aim to pursue Ph.D in Computer Science. So I do not think it would be a good idea for your daughter to settle down with a person at this stage.
Him: No, it would be fine with us if you want to study further. I would be better if you can also motivate her to pursue further studies.

Me: Ok, One last thing to mention. I want my marriage to be as simple as possible. No dowry, no show off. Only most important family members of both families would attend the Anand Karaj ceremony at a Gurudwara in your area.
Him: How is this possible ? She is our only daughter. Such a marriage would harm our status in society. "Saade tabbar ne ta gajj wajj ke viah karna", he said in punjabi, "Our family would have a "Big Fat Wedding" only".

Me: If thats the case, I cannot say anything about it. I want to discuss this matter once, with your daughter and then I'll discuss with my family.
Him: OK. We will let your family know about that as soon as possible.

That day onwards, we never heard anything from that family. It is still astonishing to me such behavior of people, to show off their money and waste on a big gathering among whom you don't even know everyone. Why can't they donate to the needy, if they have such money to waste ?
Luckily I have a friend who adopted this advice and had a simple wedding and installed a "Donation Box" instead of receiving shagun from his relatives. The extra money bride's parents wanted to spend was converted to savings bonds in her name, which would come handy in an unwanted circumstance.

P.S. I'm still single and loving my journey of NLP Research and Programming alone.
Pardon the grammatical errors in my writing. I am not much profound in English Writing.

anurag
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Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2018 2:52 pm

Re: What are the weirdest reasons to reject a prospective bride/groom in an arranged marriage?

Post by anurag » Wed Aug 15, 2018 3:14 pm

My parents advised me to marry a middle class girl not rich girl. Lets see the attitude of the poor middle class girl.

She is a software engineer and I am software engineer too. My salary is 20 LPA and her salary is 9 LPA. She holds a bachelors degree and I am a MBA graduate. She belong to a middle class family and I belong to rich family. She was average girl but not Aishwarya Rai. I am a handsome guy but not a super model. :x :x

She asked about my assets, I said I own ancestral property, own house, plots and a car. She said, she earns well but her parents don’t have own house or ancestral property and car. Her father is a retired teacher. My father is a retired general manager. She asked me to show the documents. But she was shocked to see the scores. When I asked to show her documents, she said, I will not show. I passed b.tech. in second class. I laughed, because I gained distinction through out my education. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I was speaking softly but she was speaking rudely. She was behaving as though she is a very smart girl. She was posing as she belongs to a very rich family. She thought I am a jerk. She said I speak very slowly and I am lazy. :lol: :lol:

Next day my father called her father and he said no. My father asked, what is the reason ?? He said their daughter rejected me because she is looking for a boy who earns more and who is more handsome and tall. :roll: :roll:

If, this is the attitude, ego and rude behavior of a middle class girl with no assets. Then, how will rich girls behave ?? I think girls are miles away from the reality.

shobha
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Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2018 2:58 pm

Re: What are the weirdest reasons to reject a prospective bride/groom in an arranged marriage?

Post by shobha » Wed Aug 15, 2018 5:05 pm

My parents found our horoscopes matching and arranged this meeting with prospective groom known through some relatives.

We both along with our parents met one day. We were given some 10 minutes to talk in private (a separate table in the restaurant few meters away from theirs)... :roll: :roll:

Well this was my first time that I was being in this kind of a situation. I wasn't having a much of an idea on what to talk. So I started talking random stuff about studies and work and others. I was kinda answering to whatever he asked initially. :? :? :?

Now here goes few details on our conversation.

He : Where do you work and What do you work on?

Me : Told about my company and What I work on and all that stuff. I asked the same and he told about it. Since I never heard about that company I asked him if it was privately held or an IPO company. He gave me blank expressions ! That was the first time I got surprised ! Now I wanted to ask more questions. :o :o

Me : Which school and college did you study ?

He : Some local school and college also not ranked so good. I know that's not really correct, But I started judging him already :D :D

Me : What are your hobbies and interests ?

He : Nothing much. Meeting friends. I have a lot of them.

Me : To understand was that all, I asked do you like traveling or reading books or watching movies or TV series ?

He : I don't read books. I don't like watching TV series / movies. I sometimes go to movies because my friends force me to. Traveling yeah I do. Recently I had been to Bellary (some place in Karnataka) to buy Marble for our house under construction. ( I was like wow you understood my question very well about traveling :P And I had a facepalm kinda feeling ) :lol: :lol: :lol:

He : So you work in this big MNC(my company). You go on parties and stuff a lot ?

Me : I said yeah some times thinking what was he trying to find out from that.

Me : So what are your goals / ambitions ?

He : Nothing much. Life is going good now. I haven't thought about more. ( His parents are rich. So I guess he thinks his life is all sorted out !) He asked the same question to me

Me : Given I go to US , I would like to pursue higher studies. If that wont happen I would be interested in starting up something on my own and also mentioned on the start up ideas I am currently working on. ( We both are Engineering CS graduates )

Me : I found out that he earns less salary than mine. I didn't have a problem with that frankly. But when he found about it he asked me if I had a problem with that. I said I don't think that way. Not sure if he had a problem with that.

Me : So what are your expectations from your partner ?

He : Nothing. ( I was like what does he mean by that ! Was a little surprised there ) :o :o :o

After 2 days they informed my parents.

The girl wants to do MS and all. She is intelligent, ambitious and in high paying job than mine. She wont be a good match for me. :shock: :shock:

Damn he rejected me before I could reject him :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

prabhat aggarwal
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Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2018 10:05 pm

Re: What are the weirdest reasons to reject a prospective bride/groom in an arranged marriage?

Post by prabhat aggarwal » Mon Sep 03, 2018 10:49 pm

During my numerous travels to India, I have heard of and seen the following issues where the girl family rejected the proposal from the groom in an arranged marriage negotiation, the following list is not based on any preference or choice, it’s given “as is”:


1. The Guna Milan or Compatibility as per Jyotish - Vedic Astrology does not match for a good marriage. :lol:

2. The groom does not earn enough or does not have a permanent job.

3. The groom physical or facial features was not handsome. :)

4. They (the girl side) heard the groom has many love affairs with women (including “bazaroo” ones, eg. having relationship with prostitutes). :lol: :lol:

5. The groom is not well educated.

6. The demand of dowry is high, they cannot afford it.

7. The grooms background is not known, eg. his caste, sub-caste or Gotra

8. The groom is a mummy’s boy.

9. The groom and family has no property / assets to house the bride or give her a good home/house.

10. The groom is less educated than the bride, or not well educated.

11. The groom has physical deformity or has various known or unknown health issues. The girl side family is suspicious too. :lol:

12. The groom has many sisters who will make the bride’s life miserable. :lol:

13. The groom comes from a large family and is the first one to get married, instead of the eldest sister or brother getting married first. There must be some flaw in those elder siblings. :lol:

14. The family carries a bad name.

15. The groom will be leaving for higher studies or job in a foreign country within a few days after marriage, the bride will left with his elderly parents. The bride’s family think their daughter will live there like a care taker, servant or a nurse. :|

The above list is not conclusive and is subject to change to elaborate as I remember more things in the future.
Last edited by prabhat aggarwal on Mon Sep 03, 2018 11:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

prabhat aggarwal
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Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2018 10:05 pm

Re: What are the weirdest reasons to reject a prospective bride/groom in an arranged marriage?

Post by prabhat aggarwal » Mon Sep 03, 2018 11:10 pm

If someone is talking with you nicely, still there is no surety that he/she will surely say yes to you. It might be he was talking with you just because of the reason that he want to know more about you and understand you better. There could be many reasons behind that rejection :?

There are chances that he might have not felt that connection with you after talking with you for a few months.

It might be he was not very sure about his decision that’s why he talked with you for some time to make a better decision. :?

It might be he did not find himself suitable for you and he said no to you. :(

Arranged marriage is difficult choice and taking such crucial decision is not that easy. It might be he was confused initially that’s why he opted to talk with you for some time to make a better decision. :)

There are chances that he was not very sure about this relationship that’s why he said no to you. :o

It might he was not able to connect with you emotionally that’s why he must have said no to you. :(

There are chances that he might be not that serious about that relationship that’s why he said no to it.

It might be he was not able connect with your ideology or thoughts, so he said no to you.

He might have not developed that level of understanding and comfort with you even after three months, so he decided to say no to you. :lol:

He might have some other plans for his future in which you were not fitting well, so he said no to you.

He must have said no because was not able to develop love for you. :)

There are chances that you have said something which he didn’t liked and made this decision. :|

prabhat aggarwal
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2018 10:05 pm

Re: What are the weirdest reasons to reject a prospective bride/groom in an arranged marriage?

Post by prabhat aggarwal » Tue Sep 04, 2018 7:22 pm

It’s not my personal experience but one of my friend shared this with me and I think its quite an interesting rejection excuse.

So my friend’s sister finally was ready to receive the boy’s family.
Since both the families were from North India, they had the ritual of matching Kundli and they also involved a 3rd person as a mediator who could convey the message to both the sides when required.
Everything went well, they talked, their families talked, kundlis were exchanged with the pandits by the boy’s familiy.
girl’s family were eagerly waiting for the call and after few days when they couldn't wait any more so they called the mediator and got a lame excuse.

Boy’s family turned down the marriage offer because girls family offered them Nimbu Paani (Home made Lemon juice) instead of Softdrinks. :lol: :lol:

Nimbu paani saved her life, she is getting married next year to a gentleman who is strictly against dowry. :lol:

prabhat aggarwal
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2018 10:05 pm

Re: What are the weirdest reasons to reject a prospective bride/groom in an arranged marriage?

Post by prabhat aggarwal » Tue Sep 04, 2018 7:40 pm

indian people are so obsessed with fair skin.They think fair skin is necessary criteria for marriage.That is why a lot of girls are rejected on this criteria.

That's not the case with only Girls. Now a days girls also reject boys coz he is not fair.
girls want to marry only
Even after being in a long relationship, they breakup saying that "My Parents are asking me to marry someone with fair complexion otherwise what the society will think."
So I would say that this is not a good criteria for choosing boy/girl.

mahendra singh
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2018 10:07 pm

Re: What are the weirdest reasons to reject a prospective bride/groom in an arranged marriage?

Post by mahendra singh » Wed Sep 05, 2018 10:54 am

I am an average looking guy and in my mid-20s. I have a very rational approach to the topic of marriage! Not very high expectations, regarding how the girl should be physical appearance wise, except that she should be a nice person.

Since the last couple of years, my parents are trying to get me married as soon as possible which I was trying to avoid. Last year my father asked me to meet a girl of whose proposal came through some of our mutual relatives. Since, last year I wasn't feeling ready to get married, so I made an excuse to my father that I was busy somewhere.

Now a couple of months back, my mom came to visit me as I live alone where I am working. She informed me that I have to meet the above-mentioned girl. That was without my prior knowledge, I was slightly taken aback. But since mom kept pushing me, so I thought of giving it a shot. I went to see the girl. My sister accompanied me. So like the stereotypical meet in movies or serials, it went. First in front of the whole family and then later on her aunt said to the girl to "show me her room". So we went and talked alone, as the first time meets go, it was about random things like hobbies, interests, and education etc.

She is working in a very similar job to me. She is just above average looking, not too pretty as the standards of beauty go in contemporary times (Feminists please excuse me here). However, our places of postings are different. This meeting went on for approximately 20 minutes, then we returned to the drawing room where our relatives were sitting. Her aunt immediately declared that we like the boy i.e. me. Please tell us about the girl, whether I liked her or not. But I kept mum since it's very hard to judge someone on the basis of a single meeting. So I returned to my working place. My father called me and asked whether I liked her or not, so did my sister. I told them both that, I like her credentials (Education and job profile). However, I want to meet her again before deciding anything. I can't take such an important decision on the basis of a short meeting. Few days went by, I coincidentally had a meeting scheduled at her city. So I thought of meeting her there.

However later my father called and told me that the girl's parents have put up a condition that I have to get a transfer to her city. I was surprised to hear that, usually it happens another way, that boy's parents demand that. But since, the times are changing I was considering it already, getting a transfer to there. However, in my job, there is no certainty that I will get transferred. The girl's family was already aware of this fact, as she is working and she herself had faced difficulties in getting transferred last time. I told my father to convey that it's slightly difficult, but not impossible. Later, my father called me again to inform that they are insisting on me getting a transfer first or else no for the alliance. So I told my father it's just their way of sugar-coating the NO, nothing else! So this ended abruptly.

Just last month, I met one of my friend (female, she got married few months back). She was pulling my leg regarding the subject of my marriage. So I told her about this girl. Believe me, when I say this; I only told her the name of the college of the girl (not the name of girl) and she immediately told me her name and other details. Both of them are from different colleges, different places, living in different cities, working in different organizations but knew each other through one mutual friend (World is so small, I guess). I was surprised and I said yes that's right. Since I had one another friend with us so I didn't discuss it any further. Later on, when I called her she told me it was better that it didn't go through. She told me few reasons, which are irrelevant here.

Initially, I was unhappy with this incident, but in the end, I think it's better that it didn't happen.

dhruv aggarwal
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2018 8:57 pm

Re: What are the weirdest reasons to reject a prospective bride/groom in an arranged marriage?

Post by dhruv aggarwal » Wed Sep 05, 2018 10:58 am

Hi,

This is a personal experience :p

I joined HCL Technologies as a Software Engineer back in 2015, and am currently undergoing a Senior Management Trainee program, which will hopefully convert me from Software Engineer to Senior Manager at HCL by next year.

I belong to Jat community, and we are from a not so urban city of Meerut(U.P.). My dad is a retired naval officer and got married at the age of 20(can you imagine). He thinks the right age for a person to get married is 22–25, anything beyond that is not good. I am approaching 26 now, and not yet married :D(Don’t worry will tell you the secret).

So, as it happened, people started coming to my home with marriage proposals when I was in final year of engineering, and I used to think what attracts them(I didn’t even complete my graduation, let alone getting a job and being settled). The proposals were good, at least the girls were :p, however my mom used to reject them straight away, stating that I am still studying.

The day I got placed in HCL, I called my dad to give him the good news, and he was even happier than me, and I overheard him saying to my mom that now finally they could get me married, and I was like abey yar nokri hi galat lag gyi lagta hai (Dude, getting this job is not that good after all I guess :p).

Anyhow, I started working and moved to Noida, for job. However, every weekend I used to go home, to meet my parents, but they had a different plan. Every Sunday, there used to be an interview organised for me, sometimes even 2. Initially I was not happy and said that I don’t want to get married right now, but dad said you don’t know anything yehi umar hoti h shadi ki, uske baad bacche bhi ni honge (This is the right age to get married, else you won’t even have kids). I struggled and had few heated discussions with him(at least I saw them as that, but he used to laugh :p) over the topic, but each time I was to understand his point and said OKAY I will meet them.

This happened for about a couple of months that I used to dislike this process, but thankfully, till now just 2 girls liked me and I only had to reject them :p, which I did quite easily, telling them that I don’t want to marry yet, and they were understanding enough. Only if I knew what future holds for me, huh.

Third month started, and I don’t know what happened all of a sudden, every proposal awaited my reply(being accepted from girl’s end), and I was like WTH, what shall I do now. Initially I tried to logically reject each girl, but later I started to plan it out beforehand, every week I had a new idea :p

Now, after all this bakwas, let me come to the point :D

The weirdest reason I gave to reject a prospective bride went something like this, chatting over whatsapp, girl was in Canada, doing BSc Kinesiology (believe me even I heard this word first time) :

After exchange of pleasantries

Me: So what are your plans after marriage?

She: Want to start practicing and need an understanding husband.

Me: That’s cool, but would you mind coming to India, after a few years working there in Canada?

She: No, I don’t ever want to return to India, I want to settle here in Canada only, do you have any problem with it?

Me: Yeah, actually the problem is I can’t leave my parents here and settle abroad.

She: Oh but that’s not an issue, we can ask them to join us here.

Me: No they won’t come there(Even though I didn’t even ask them :p).

She: Okay, no problem, we can settle in India after maybe 10 years working in Canada, is that Okay?

Me: No, my dog won’t live that long, I can’t afford to let him go without me being there in his last days.

She: Can’t you bring your dog here?

Me: No, my parents won’t let me take it.

She: Do you want to marry me?

Me: Yes I do, but can’t leave my dog, I am sorry.

She started laughing and said you are one bad liar, don’t worry I will tell my parents that it won’t work :D

I thanked her and blessed her to find a much more suitable husband :p

Unfortunately(or fortunately :p) my parents got to know about the truth, and my dad asked me what I really wanted, I said I want to be settled first, then only I can think of marriage. He was not too happy, but understood my point. Last year my 2 year younger brother got married, to his longtime girlfriend, and before his marriage my father tried to convince me, stating that dekh le chote ki shadi kr denge ni to, fir mat roio(see you still have chance, else we will get your younger brother married, don’t cry then), I started laughing and said koi dikkat ni, kal karte ho aaj kar do uski but ek bar puch lena usse pehle chahta bhi h wo(No problem, better do it today than tomorrow, but ask him first if he is Ok with it), as of my brother, he was more than happy getting married to the love of his life, and I was happy seeing everyone happy :)

Sometimes I feel really sorry for the girls I rejected, because although most of them left at a happy note, some of them cried, and I felt really bad. But, the point is, it’s better to be sad for sometime rather than being sad all your life!

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